Thursday, August 19, 2010

The Great BlogHer Wipeout of 2010

Here it is readers.  You've all been waiting to hear the story.  Don't be disappointed though, it does NOT involve me dancing on a table.

I started out the evening in my hotel room with me and a Captain Morgan's and Coke. When you attend a party with 1,000+ people, and know only a few and are not sure at what point you will actually meet up with them, you need a little something to take the edge off.

Off I went to the Gala Party.  I talked to a few people, exchanged information and then got the text I was waiting for, which was from Lee at MWOB, letting me know it was time for the Swanky After Hours Party hosted by Andrea at SavvySassyMoms in the penthouse of the London Hotel.  Off I go, again a little anxious because I am not going to know anyone but Lee, and she has work to do.

I ride the elevator up with a perfectly nice woman, who, as it turns out, also doesn't know what to expect.  I cling to her like a crazy woman and it turns out Teresa, from Tiaras & Tantrums, and I have a lot in common:  age, tattoos, # of kids with similar personalities. 

This is Teresa and myself.  I have no idea why this keeps flipping upside down when I keep editing it to be right side up.  Deal with it.

We have a couple of drinks, yes only two, chat with each other, talk to others, tour the penthouse, take some pictures of the view from the penthouse.
Then we decide to head home.  She was staying in a different hotel, so we part ways and she walks with another woman who she knew at the party and I head on alone.  It's about 12:30AM on Friday night/Saturday morn.

I get to 53rd St., between 6th and 7th Aves., where I can enter my hotel through a side door.  I am happy, slightly buzzed, walking swiftly, and enjoying the sites.  The streets are packed and the deli near my hotel has people out on the patio eating and enjoying the evening.  They had no clue what they were about to witness.  I decide to pass a group of three men, as I am getting close to my hotel entrance.  I want to pass and cut over so I can just pop in the hotel door.  This is where everything goes wrong.

I make my move to pass on the right (my mistake, maybe.  On the highway, you're supposed to pass on the left.  Are the rules the same on the sidewalk?  Doesn't matter, because I think there were people coming in our direction and I couldnt't have passed on the left.)  Anyway, these three men are walking the same direction I am so they don't even know I am behind them.  One of them cuts over into my passing path.  Why?  I have no idea.  Maybe he was getting out of the way of oncoming pedestrians, maybe one of his buddies kind of pushed him while laughing and joking around.  I really don't know and it doesn't matter.  My left foot goes between his legs.  I assume I pushed him out of the way some, we got a little tangled and my momentum keeps me moving forward.  Now, I am carrying a bag of swag, including a VERY LARGE martinini glass, so of course my left hand is holding my bag so I don't lose anything.  My right hand automatically thrusts out front of me and is the first thing to hit the ground.  I see my forearm do a 360 or a 180 or some other degree of turn that IS.NOT.NORMAL. and I hear the glass shatter.  Other than that, I didn't really see or hear anything else.  I looked at my arm, which didn't hurt yet, and knew I better take care of that before the pain set in, so I flipped it over and then I laid down because I was sure I was going to pass out.  I was also thinking, "Shit, I am going to be laying here all night until I'm coherent enough to call 911.  I hope no one steals my purse." 

Boy, was I wrong.  Within seconds, Liz of This Full House and Elizabeth of Busy Mom, were there, donning their superhero outfits (ok, maybe that was only in my head).  They were eating at the deli and, small world that it is, I had met Liz very briefly earlier in the day at BlogHer.  Thankfully she's a snorter and that is what I remembered about her.  I even said, "Hey, aren't you the woman who snorted earlier today?"  Elizabeth is a nurse and immediately gets to work doing what nurses do. 

The police show up in the blink of an eye, the man I tripped over is about to self-combust with concern and guilt and people get me ice and call the ambulance.  As if there is an angel watching over me, a man shows up and says, "I'm Dr. X (for the life of me, I cannot remember his name.).  I am an orthopedic surgeon.  Do I have permission to help you?"  Hell yes, who would say no to that!  He packs my arm in ice while I am begging for someone, ANYONE, to give me drugs.  Liz or Elizabeth is trying to make it clear to passers by, and the police officers, that I want LEGAL drugs, but honestly, I would have taken any drugs at this point that anyone would have offered me.  I pretty much guilted Liz and Elizabeth into riding in the ambulance with me.  That was most likely the last thing they wanted to do, but they obliged.  I thought I was going to have to turn over my iPhone 4 as payment, but in the end, they did it out of the kindness of their hearts, because that's just how they are.

After a decade of waiting on a New York City sidewalk, while people look at me like I am a crazy, drunken hobo, the ambulance shows up.  I can tell you all, an NYC ambulance ride when you are in pain is no fun.  However, I know when something is going to make a great blog entry and I asked the superheroes to take my picture in the ambulance.
This is me in between whining and begging for drugs.  I tried to convince the EMTs I was on the verge of a seizure so I could at least get some valium.  They didn't fall for it.

My roommate, Sheri, from the Swag Grabber, shows up at the hospital all trashed from partying in Greenwich Village and sends Liz and Elizabeth on their way.  I swear, seeing a familiar face, well familiar in the sense that I had met her the day before, shopped at the liquor store together and we had shared a hotel room for one night, was the best thing that could have happened for me.  She stayed with me the whole night, even feeding the staff bagels.  She watched them put me under and relocate my elbow.  She told me I should be thankful I was knocked out for that.  By the time we left at 6AM, she was sober and I was all doped up; we had reversed roles.  We were quite a pair trying to catch a cab at 6AM on a Saturday morning.
That bulge is the part of my elbow slipped out of its joint and pushing against my skin.

We both slept all day, she made sure I had my awesome meds and food.  She even helped me hook my bra as I got ready for the party on Saturday night.  She did have to step back, though, on Saturday morning, as I was blowing chunks into the hotel trash can.  Morphine, not to mention all the other drugs they gave me, does that to me.  I let her slide on that one.  Hell, she had already seen me naked (except I had my undies on) as she helped the ER nurse undress and then later dress me.  I don't think I could expect her to stand watch while I vomited.

I made it back to my SW Ohio home safely.  I have been to the orthopedic surgeon, had more x-rays and a CT scan, and it looks like no surgery is necessary, as long as no bone fragments make their way into my elbow joint.  He confirmed what the ER told me - dislocated elbow, broken humerus and torn ligaments.  He put me in a cast.  I am now out of that as he is concerned about my elbow getting stuck from being immobile.  The break did not snap the bone but broke off fragments at the base of the humerus and right now getting my elbow taken care of is the priority.  I start PT next week.  Thank god for percocet.


  1. What an ordeal!!!

    I'm glad you're home safe and sound!

  2. Wow, what an incredible story. I was one of the women you sat next to at the airport as we all headed home. So glad to see you made it and are on the mend! Happy to hear that surgery doesn't sound likely.

  3. Never a dull moment at BlogHer, huh? So glad you're one the mend! I am crossing my fingers for your speedy recovery, since I am sure that there are not enough drugs (legal, of course) in the world for you at this point!

    P.S. How was Lee? :)

  4. I think you look hot in the ambulance. :) Happy healing!!

  5. If I hadn't seen the photos, I would think you were either making it all up or in need of attention while laying on the sidewalk. My GAWD girl!! Three men in front of you and a doctor beside you.....I hope you got their phone numbers for next ARE going back, right?

  6. You know even after hearing the story in person it was still a pretty entertaining read. I'm glad surgery isn't in your future, that would be a bummer. Well, an even bigger bummer.

  7. You sure know how to party! My goodness, lady!

    It was so great to see you, I'm glad we saw each other before you got your Big Break. Most people go to NYC to get their Big Break on Broadway. You got yours two blocks over!

  8. I still think we should have just got a cab and gone to the other damn bar!!! I still feel really HORRIBLE for you! and your martini glass broke! The damn maid took mine! It was so lovely to meet you - move to Chicago!!!!!!!!!!!!

  9. You know, you are so good at re-telling an event. And a pretty crazy, scary, painful,and occasionally funny story. It is so good to be reminded that there are so many awesome people willing to jump in and help-I bet you now have some new forever friends.

    You MUST be a blast to hang out with :-)

    (hope your elbow is feeling much better by now).

  10. OMG what an a huge pain, although i must say most humoursly written.... i am sooo sorry you went thru all of time come to a bloggy boot camp... lol same amount of alcohol and women all with stories but much lower key, i think! LOL hope you are feeling better... o wait, as i'm typing this i am so glad your surgury was a success! my thoughs and prayers are with you sista!

  11. Oh, DEAR! That's horrible. I'm so glad there were some SuperHeroes available!!! How are you doing now?