Thursday, November 19, 2009

Follow up

Thanks for all the comments on my post earlier this week about the article written by Susan Klebold.

I do want to point out a few more thoughts that didn't make it into my original post. Mainly because I was so overwhelmed with that article and all the chaos it caused in my mind.

In reading that article, she did confirm my original fear that sometimes, parents can do everything right but that is not a guarantee for how your kiddos may turn out. While I know that she was not a perfect parent, hindsight is 20/20. I am guessing there are some things she would handle different and the "what if's" are probably the source of a lot of sleepless nights for her and her husband. Some of the blame may rest on her and her husband's shoulders, but mainly, it remains with the boys who committed that awful massacre. I do not believe in "not guilty by reason of insanity" but believe in "guilty by reason of insanity". Being mentally ill does not mean you did not commit a crime. It might help explain the reasons behind the crime and it might even be that one isn't in their "right" mind when the crime was committed, but the fact is, they did commit it.

I also realize that in many, many cases, one can look at the parent(s) and/or family structure and the environment in which a kid was raised and say, "Yes, that explains it." Often, blame and responsibility can be placed with the adults who raised a criminal. Those cases seem so much easier for me to accept. Knowing a kid was raised in an abusive, violent, drug and alcohol infested home with no boundaries, sadly, makes me feel a little more secure because I know my kids aren't raised that way. Though Susan Klebold's article proves that that sense of security is sometimes a false one and that is what I find so scary as a parent.

And I hope this is my last post about this, because honestly, I don't have enough Lexapro and Xanax in my arsenal of prescription drugs to prevent me from having a parental nervous breakdown if I keep on going on about this subject. Plus, I saw on the Today Show the popularity of huffing among elementary and middle school aged kids. I need to go worry about that for a while.


  1. I've been pondering than article very much lately. Or maybe fretting would be a better a word. One thought I've had is that I do believe children come into this world with a certain disposition or personality; look at any family; each child can be vastly different from another. I have a sister who does the most inexplicable things, not violent, but just so different from the rest of us.

    I've shared this article with others; I appreciate you posting about it. And your thoughts about the situation.

  2. Mama-face, I totally meant to write about the situation you point out. We all know families that have multiple children who turn out great and then one child who is different (either in personality or in more serious ways, such as bad behavior/breaking rules and laws, etc.). I think we have also all seen families where the kids are all delinquents and one of the children turns out awesome!

  3. I haven't read it, but I've intended to since you posted the link. I need to be in the right mind frame.

    But I do want to reiterate something you said, about the false sense of security. That seems so present in all the "but things are so good here, how could my baby do something like that?" cases I've worked with/read about.

    I think that we lie (that's a strong word, I mean that we pretend that everything is Leave it to Beaver so often that we end up believing it) to ourselves so much about how good things are that we just get so wrapped up in this weird perfect little life thing and stop paying attention to the negative stuff.

    It's horrifying

  4. Ok, I teach elementary school and I don't know what huffing is....I guess I better google it!

  5. I got carded for buying Sharpies. Honest to goodness.

    Crazy. It's all gone crazy.

    And that article. Heartbreaking on so many levels. As parents, we want the best - with a 7 and 3-year-old for me, personalities are just starting to bloom - I find great comfort when they express empathy, but know the job is never done, and that individual souls must take responsibility. Little to help the anxiety though.

    Thank you again for this link. E