Thursday, October 29, 2009

The worst laundry story ever...

It is a good thing I have friends who send me stories about themselves like the story below, because people, I am losing it. Seriously. I'm moody, I'm yelling and screaming constantly, my kids are driving me crazy and I just want everyone to leave me alone. Don't touch me, don't look at me, don't talk to me. Well, except for this morning when I was asleep on the couch and I was stirred almost awake by a kiss on the cheek from CJ after he woke up at the other end of the couch. THAT was good. Oh, and Ace. He can hang with me whenever. He wants nothing but food three times a day. I can handle that. All he does is follow me around and lays down close to wherever I am and purrs. So unless you are a six year old who can't get enough of me or you are a little orange cat, I suggest you keep a clear distance of me until I recover from this. Here's hoping I DO recover from this.

So, anyway, the highlight of my day was the e-mail below. Yes, it actually happened. Yes, it actually happened to a friend of mine, who happens to be a brilliant physician.  (I mean that with all sincerity.  She is a great resource to those of us who get to hang with her.  Now if we could just get her to whip out that prescription pad.  Unfortunately, she has those pesky medical board laws she's required to follow in order to keep practicing medicine.) I kid you not, I clapped my hand over my mouth to stifle my laugh while reading this. I thought for sure she would hear me. She just lives up the road, so it would have been possible, because I WAS.CRACKING.UP. Tears and giggles and gasping for air kind of cracking up.

Here it is. THE.WORST.LAUNDRY.STORY.EVER. by Jo's friend, Dr. B.

This is not a story I can share with everyone but you seem as though you could take panty disasters in stride...always check pockets!

So I get up this morning, take a shower, get dressed, and set off on my day. All was well until I swung out of my car at school, at which point I felt a strange and painful pinching sensation in the front of my pants. What the heck? I tried a few discreet tugs to no avail. Finally I dropped off my daughter, got back in the car, and unzipped my jeans. My underwear appeard to be stuck to me. I tried a tug, which was extremely painful, and looked again. What appeared to be a Starburst candy was melted, smoothly and evenly, to the front of my underwear, and as I drove around it had glued itself to me with an apparently permanent bond. In the end I had to go home, take a big breath, and rip them off, resulting in a bizarre inverse bikini wax that left me bare (and bleeding) right up the middle. (I threw the undies out.) Really, can you believe this? I wouldn't if it hadn't happened to me!

I assured Dr. B. that once the hairs grow back and the scabs are gone, she too, will think this is hilarious!


  1. Aw (snicker, giggle, gafaw) poor. That's going to itch. For a very long time.

    I'll be double checking the pockets after Halloween. But you gotta think, better there than the inside of the dryer, right?

    I think I need to find myself an Ace. Must be the pull of the moon.

  2. And it's not like she can go around the house pointing to it and demanding, "Now who did THIS!!!!!"

  3. eek, maybe she should proudly announce a new trend in bikini waxing... move over Brazilian, introducing the Starburst.

  4. OMG!! So funny! Since it wasn't me. Poor thing! It will grow back. tee he.

  5. Bwahahaha. Who knew that a Starburst could serve a dual purpose?

    I hear you on the mood. Peri-menopause?

  6. OW! Note to self: Check pockets not once, but twice post trick-or-treating...

    Sorry about your mood. I was like that 2 months ago. Hope it improves soon!

  7. ROFL!! YIKES!! That was just way to funny. Now I have never heard a story like that.

  8. oh sweet jesus I was laughing and cringing at the same time!!!

  9. Ouch....that is funny! Oh the stories we have, what fun would life be without these kinds of crazy stories LOL

    Hang in there with your mood, I have been there....haven't we all.