- Men are, by nature, hairier than women. I have yet to have a woman hairier than any man. Recently, I had one guy whose arms were so hairy, and not just quantity of hair but LENGTH of hair, that I had to hold down the hair with one thumb and massage with my other hand to keep the hair from getting tangled in my fingers. Another guy, if it had been closer to Halloween, I would have guessed was wearing his Saskwatch costume. It's okay, you can go vomit now. I'll wait.
- Men tend not to cover up enough for my comfort. I don't like looking at man boobs or nipples (usually hairy, of course). I don't like that they stand in the treatment room and talk on the phone in their undies without saying "I'm not ready yet" when I knock on the door. I had a male client who didn't even bother to cover his undies area. I walked in and said, "Aren't you cold?" and pulled the sheet and blanket up to his neck.
- Many men have gross feet. Ok, some women can fall into that category, too. Don't even get me started on men's toenails. GAG.
- Men's physical build is just more dense, muscular and takes up more space. A lot of the men that come into our clinic are very health conscious and work out. When one has a lot of dense musculature, it is a much more difficult massage for me. Especially when they want a deep tissue massage and that is not really my strong point. Because I am a wimp.
- Men mostly only want to go to women therapists. I think it's all because of that Seinfeld episode when George got a massage by a male therapist and "it moved." Really, for those men who fall into #5 and want deep tissue, their best bet is to get over their homophobic tendencies about being rubbed down by a man and go to a man therapist. They are STRONG.
- Men ask stupid questions like, "Doesn't your husband mind that you do this?" Hello? I'm not giving happy endings here. In fact, as far as my husband and I are concerned, I am providing you a medical service, mister, and if you think it's anything other than that, you can just leave! People, check out the empirical evidence that regular massage therapy can lower drug amounts needed to treat patients with diabetes, high blood pressure, arthritis, anxiety/depression and more. Then do what you can to get your insurance companies to start covering massage therapy instead of pumping society full of drugs when there are other, healthier options!
- Men tend to have more skin issues. Things like ingrown hairs on their backs, pimply skin and other weird rashes. I had a client who had some nasty rash around his hairline on his neck. I thought it was some kind of hair clips for a wig/toupee but when he turned over and put his face in the facerest, I saw it was some disgusting shit. I think I bathed, repeatedly, in Purell for the rest of that massage and even the rest of the day. Oh, and it just so happens this was also the guy who was in the Saskwatch costume. Pause for more vomiting.
Oh, Just Shut Up and Lie Down Somewhere
8 hours ago