I should have known that purging my brain earlier this week would just result in more space for other things to take over.
I can't shake the news that a friend from college committed suicide. The image of someone who was so loud, happy, obnoxious, ornery and friendly being so distraught, so broken, so emotionally exhausted, so desperate to the point of taking his own life just doesn't make sense. I have known this guy since I was a senior in high school and would visit the University of Cincy on weekends to see my beau. They were friends and lived on the same floor in their dorm and eventually joined the same fraternity. My sophomore year in college, I lived in a house with six girls total and he lived a few doors up from us. He parked his motorcycle in our garage, he dated one of my roommates. We saw him almost every day. Together, all of us, my roommates and his, shared in the loss of one of his roommates who was killed in a motorcycle accident while we were all in college. I did not keep in touch with him after college, but I got updates from friends who did. He had his ups and downs like all of us, but I don't think anyone expected this. It seems odd to say I am thankful he did not leave behind a wife and kids. But in reality, maybe if he had had those relationships in his life, things would have turned out differently for him. I can't stop thinking about his mother, his family, his close friends who will miss him dearly.
In my lifetime, I have experienced more than my share of losses through suicide. That's what happens, I guess, when your family history includes mental health issues. But to be hit with this death so unexpectedly has me a little rattled and it is taking up that empty space in my brain.
Oh, Just Shut Up and Lie Down Somewhere
8 hours ago