While I have a steal trap memory, according to my husband, I am not one to really hold a grudge. I do my best to say what I have to say and then not bring it up in the future unless it is VERY relevant to a situation. Notice I said "I do my best"? I don't always succeed.
I have admitted to myself that I am still bitter about my MIL and my SIL not letting me know they were reading my blog. I don't think I realized this until recently. My MIL is now on Facebook. MG and I were talking about this and I told him if she invited me to be FB friends, I would have to decline, for the same reasons I don't invite family members to this blog. I don't want to have to worry about what I am saying. I don't really put much on FB, but that's not really the point. My husband said "all my mom really wants is to have a connection to you, to be friends." He means in real life, not in FB world. It took a few minutes for my hubs to understand. When I explained it from the standpoint that I would not invite my HS, going off to college, nephew to be an FB friend, it came to light for him. Would my nephew really want his auntie to know about his conversations with his friends, even though it's usually just silly kid stuff? Probably not. At that point, he got it.
And then I thought about the "friend" thing and I have to say I totally disagree. If she wanted to be friends with me, would she have eavesdropped on my conversations for over year? And that's what it was, or at least that's what it feels like - eavesdropping. If I had been saying out loud what I was writing in my blog, say on a phone conversation with a friend, I would have hoped she would have cleared her throat or done something else to make her presence known if she walked into the room. Likewise, happening upon my blog, I would have hoped she or my SIL would have dropped me a note or comment "hey, I found your blog. It's really cool you are doing this," or something similar. Instead, they kept on reading and discussing it between the two of them. At the point they found the blog, there was nothing overly personal on here, just day to day ramblings of how our relocation was going, how the kids were adjusting, what we were doing. There was really no reason to not say something at that time.
Several months ago, I was talking to my MIL about some things I was doing and she said "Oh, I didn't know that! Show me how it works" when she could/should have said, "Oh yeah, didn't I tell you I found your blog? I read on there you were doing that and I wanted to ask you about it. Show me how it works." That would have been the perfect time to let me know. Over time I have talked about family on this blog. It's not anything I wouldn't say to them given the opportunity or if the topic came up. I am pretty honest and not afraid to speak my mind. What I blogged about though, were not things I would just blurt out to them and I would have done my best to say it a little more politely. This blog is the perfect place for me to purge those thoughts and move on without worrying about how I say it. Little did I know, they were lurking.
I just dont' think I would do this to someone I consider a friend. The only people I would do it to would be people that I wanted to snoop around on, get good gossip about, have reasons to talk about, etc. Not a friend and not a respected family member.
It's nice to have a space that's all my own. To say what I want, when I want, how I want. To clear my head and have you all POLITELY straighten me out when I am off base on something (which, of course, doesn't happen, because I am, well, I am never wrong, you see. What? You didn't know that? Now you do.). To have a space that is not under the critical eye of people who will judge me. I have learned after all this blogging time that my "blog friends" don't judge. And if they do, who really cares because I don't have to look at you across the dinner table and I am not responsible for raising your grandchildren and your darling son. (However, I would LOVE to look across the dinner table and see your smiling faces, so if you are ever traveling to SW Ohio, drop me a note and I will whip up an awesome dinner for you and whomever you are traveling with!)
So I am bitter. My space has been invaded. My privacy has been breeched. My trust has been broken. Not because this blog was READ by them, I have always known that was a possibility, but because instead of giving me a shout out, eavesdropping seemed to be more fun.
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