Monday, March 30, 2009

I am still bitter

While I have a steal trap memory, according to my husband, I am not one to really hold a grudge.  I do my best to say what I have to say and then not bring it up in the future unless it is VERY relevant to a situation.  Notice I said "I do my best"?  I don't always succeed.

I have admitted to myself that I am still bitter about my MIL and my SIL not letting me know they were reading my blog.  I don't think I realized this until recently.  My MIL is now on Facebook.  MG and I were talking about this and I told him if she invited me to be FB friends, I would have to decline, for the same reasons I don't invite family members to this blog.  I don't want to have to worry about what I am saying.  I don't really put much on FB, but that's not really the point.  My husband said "all my mom really wants is to have a connection to you, to be friends."  He means in real life, not in FB world.  It took a few minutes for my hubs to understand.  When I explained it from the standpoint that I would not invite my HS, going off to college, nephew to be an FB friend, it came to light for him.  Would my nephew really want his auntie to know about his conversations with his friends, even though it's usually just silly kid stuff?  Probably not.  At that point, he got it. 

And then I thought about the "friend" thing and I have to say I totally disagree.  If she wanted to be friends with me, would she have eavesdropped on my conversations for over year?  And that's what it was, or at least that's what it feels like - eavesdropping.  If I had been saying out loud what I was writing in my blog, say on a phone conversation with a friend, I would have hoped she would have cleared her throat or done something else to make her presence known if she walked into the room.  Likewise, happening upon my blog, I would have hoped she or my SIL would have dropped me a note or comment "hey, I found your blog.  It's really cool you are doing this," or something similar.  Instead, they kept on reading and discussing it between the two of them.  At the point they found the blog, there was nothing overly personal on here, just day to day ramblings of how our relocation was going, how the kids were adjusting, what we were doing.  There was really no reason to not say something at that time. 

Several months ago, I was talking to my MIL about some things I was doing and she said "Oh, I didn't know that!  Show me how it works" when she could/should have said, "Oh yeah, didn't I tell you I found your blog?  I read on there you were doing that and I wanted to ask you about it.  Show me how it works."  That would have been the perfect time to let me know.  Over time I have talked about family on this blog.  It's not anything I wouldn't say to them given the opportunity or if the topic came up.  I am pretty honest and not afraid to speak my mind.  What I blogged about though, were not things I would just blurt out to them and I would have done my best to say it a little more politely.  This blog is the perfect place for me to purge those thoughts and move on without worrying about how I say it.  Little did I know, they were lurking.

I just dont' think I would do this to someone I consider a friend.  The only people I would do it to would be people that I wanted to snoop around on, get good gossip about, have reasons to talk about, etc.  Not a friend and not a respected family member.

It's nice to have a space that's all my own.  To say what I want, when I want, how I want.  To clear my head and have you all POLITELY straighten me out when I am off base on something (which, of course, doesn't happen, because I am, well, I am never wrong, you see.  What?  You didn't know that?  Now you do.).  To have a space that is not under the critical eye of people who will judge me.  I have learned after all this blogging time that my "blog friends" don't judge.  And if they do, who really cares because I don't have to look at you across the dinner table and I am not responsible for raising your grandchildren and your darling son.  (However, I would LOVE to look across the dinner table and see your smiling faces, so if you are ever traveling to SW Ohio, drop me a note and I will whip up an awesome dinner for you and whomever you are traveling with!)

So I am bitter.  My space has been invaded.  My privacy has been breeched.  My trust has been broken.  Not because this blog was READ by them, I have always known that was a possibility, but because instead of giving me a shout out, eavesdropping seemed to be more fun.

18 comments:

  1. Yeah... I remember when you mentioned the possibility of them reading it and how you did NOT like it. I don't blame you one bit. That is as bad as picking up the phone and listening in on a conversation. Regardless of what was said, or not said, it is wrong, rude, and socially unacceptable.

    I hope there is a chance for those relationships to mend. Life is too short ;)

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  2. I soooo know how you feel...most of my family read my blog however my inlaws/SIL's etc do not and while like you I havent wrote anything negative or bad per say I just don't care to have them in my space...it is MY Space...yiyiyi I could go on for hours but I will spare you BIG Hugs and lotsa ♥

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  3. Oh the in-laws, I have yet to meet a woman who likes hers. I just assume mine read it, even though they never comment on it either. Good for you in voicing your opinion. I am sure it will go over well ;)

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  4. You are normal. I think anyone would feel the way that you do...it's a shame that they enjoyed reading your blog behind your back and then acted dumb regarding topics discussed in your blog. If they want to be your "friend" or have a better connection....don't you think they are smart enough to figure out a way...as compared to snooping behind your back????

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  5. I know how you feel. I don't hide my blog... but I don't actively let people in my life know about it either. I enjoy a little anonymity...

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  6. Oh honey, you know I know!!!

    There needs to be a blogging etiquette book about coming out of the shadows if you personally know the writer, or getting lost!

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  7. i totally get it. can i reserve the right to use your post on my own blog, if (oh, i should probably be saying WHEN), my blog gets discovered?? my mom friended me on FB and now i feel the next logical place for her to end up is on my blog. and she is TOTALLY the type to spy. that's really what it is... spying.

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  8. I don't know what I would do if I found a blog of a family member. I mean, I know of one, but she told me about it, so it is not the same. I don't read it, mostly because I don't want to make a comment and have it show up as Leesa. I am annon mostly because I want a private space.

    I have known a few bloggers that stopped once they were discovered.

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  9. I would feel exactly like you do. There's a world of opportunity to say you're out there if you've been reading a family member's blog without their wishes for you to do so. This is also why I never even use the word 'blog' around my Mom. I need a place where she's not present.

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  10. My MIL reads my blog often, and she never tells me. But here's the thing, and please take no offense to this... Whenever you write a blog that is public for anybody to tap into, without giving permission, then you are a "public blogger". This means whatever you say is free for all. If this blog were private, and somehow, your MIL tapped in, then yes, you definitely have a right to be bitter. That's your privacy. Anything you log online, any photo that goes up will be public. You know this. A phone conversation is not public to anyone. She may have been a bit timid about telling you she was reading your blog - scared that you wouldn't be "free" with your writing, which is understandable... And looking at her in terms of "human nature"---we are all curious about someone we care about and who they are dating, what they are like, and if it means getting to know them through their words online in a "public" blog, then so be it. People do stranger things.

    My wife has told me that her mom wants to be "friends" with me too. She says that she wants to get to know me better, but I do agree, there are better methods to do this, like pick up a phone and invite you over for coffee and lunch.

    I totally get it, but I'm in the same position as you. I'm being read, and not having a normal "friendship" with the MIL.

    I feel your pain, but don't write something you may regret. ;)

    Unless you're daring. lol

    Great blog - I enjoy your writing very much! I hope you didn't mind the opposing view.

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  11. I think what got me was the deceit of the MIL. The not telling you she was being a voyeur on your blog, then lying about knowing about what you were doing. Yes, when you told her a little bit about what you were doing and she acted like she knew nothing about it, it's dishonesty. Lying. One in the same. You have a right to privacy, a personal outlet among friends! I pissed, too!

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  12. I have a few MIL issues myself although not really connected with my blogging. I do know that she reads my blog from time to time so I keep my lips zipped or try to say things that aren't directly pointed at her or a situtation involving her (at least so she couldn't tell) for example #1 on yesterdays post comes to mind.

    I agree that is friendship was the goal then things would have been handled differently when they came across your blog.

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  13. I think you have every right to be bitter. Yes, yes, it's a public blog, etc., but it's just common courtesy to let people know that you know. I mean, lurking is one thing if you don't actually KNOW the person, but lurking if you know them (even if it's a "public blog") is just kinda creepy, and well...mean.

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  14. Okay this post reminds me why I did not tell my parents or in-laws about my blog. Only my siblings. And they could care less what I think, thank God. And now with the new MWOB, I care less if someone found me because well, it's not just about me and my life anymore so that's cool.

    So....are they reading this NEW blog of yours? I am confused. This is why you changed originally right? Am I lacking in reading comprehension today? I hope this scene is free and clear for you....is it?

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  15. I agree. Just like you need your personal time away from your husband and kids, you need your blog world too. Like Jen the Mom says - it's cheaper than therapy to blog.

    Really really snoopy of your MIL to do that. Naughty corner for her!

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  16. You are right to be upset. . . how could they go on pretending and not tell you???

    Because I know that my close family reads my blog, I know I can't always say what I want to say.

    It changes things. . .

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  17. THis whole computer thing is just weird. Blogs, FAcebook. Hell, I've got people I actively DON'T consider a friend trying to "friend" me. Is it me, or is that just weird?

    Pearl

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  18. I'd say you called that one right. Sounds like snooping and spying to me.

    Did I tell ya that I like your new blog look? I really do! Very nice.

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