- I love that you think I know all the answers. I studied under medical doctors, I participated in two cadaver studies, I worked with teenagers who were in a drug rehab facility and I am licensed by the Ohio Medical board. I think just the fact that I have an Ohio Medical Board license, the same board that gives doctor's the right to practice in Ohio, gives me clout with my clients that I don't deserve. The truth is, I don't know why your joints hurt, I can't prescribe you meds for that lower back pain and I don't know how to perform surgery.
- I don't know the exact causes or cures for irritable bowel syndrome, chronic fatigue syndrome, infertility, or obsessive compulsive behavior. I wish I did and I am flattered that you think I know the answers to these questions, and so many more, medical issues. I am not a diagnostician nor am I researcher who is trying to find the answers. I can give you suggestions and my opinions, but I will often just suggest you follow up with your doctor. I promise though, that if I see a mole that looks suspicious, I will let you know.
- I love that you think because I have "therapist" in my title, that I am a psychiatrist/psychologist/counselor and you share your stories, worries and concerns with me. I am sorry I don't have solutions to offer, but I will continue to listen as long as you continue to talk.
- I am entertained when you say things like "I want a deep tissue massage," "You can't use too much pressure on me," and "Work as deep as you can" and then you moan and squirm and I have to peel you off the ceiling because "that hurts." Deep tissue massage is not relaxing. It hurts. And you will probably feel bad the next day. And I appreciate your willingness to tough it out when it's necessary. And I apologize if I make you cry.
- I love having what we refer to as "massage virgins." These are the people who have NEVER had a massage before. They typically come in because someone gave them a gift certificate, but other times it's college kids coming in together or a regular brings in a loved one. They are the best. There is nothing for them to compare to. They either like it or they don't. I really loved it the time I had a college girl come in for her "first time." I gave her the usual speech, including "disrobe to your comfort level." I think I should have empahsised the fact that she would remain draped the entire time, because not only did she leave her bra on, which is no big deal but is not overly common, but she left on her pants and socks.
- There are those clients who leave their eyes open during the entire massage, or at least when they are on their back and I can see their eyes. It freaks me out. Do they not trust me? Aren't they able to relax? Do they sleep with your eyes open? What's the deal? Bleh.
- I had a client who came in with his wife. He was a massage virgin, too. He wanted only his feet massaged. For an hour. So that's what I did. I massaged his feet and managed to squeeze in a calf massage, too, for one hour. It was one of the easiest massages ever. I got to sit down the whole time and thankfully, he had good feet. No calluses, gack, toe jam or fuzz.
That is my ode to my clients. Some day, I will write funny stories from when I was a Human Resources Manager. NOW those are some crazy stories. I got the biggest kick out of interviewing people, because let me tell you, you hear some bizarre things during interviews. And then our employees. Holy crap, I kept pestering the president and CEO to send me to med school so I could be an MD with a specialty in psychiatry because I spent a lot of time counseling our staff! And there were several who needed medication, in my humble opinion! Thank goodness for a door to close and a window with blinds to close so people walking by couldn't see us in my office while the employee was having a meltdown.