Saturday, January 17, 2009

Mind the Gap

If you've been to London and used the Tube/London Underground to get around, you are familiar with the voice constantly saying "Mind the gap." You are also familiar with going up and down escalators with signs telling you to stay to the left so those in a hurry can pass on the right.

Well, I am convinced here in the US, we need some simple and obvious rules being repeated over the loudspeaker at the grocery store and maybe some postings inside the grocery cart as a constant reminder for proper grocery cart maneuvering. Here are some basic rules for all shoppers to follow:
  1. Keep moving once inside the door. Translation: do not get just inside the door to the warm (or cool if it's summertime) air and STOP to review your grocery list, take off your gloves and hat, check your makeup or pick your undies out of your ass. Keep moving and pull off to the right (we ARE in the US after all) so those of us who need to keep moving can pass on the left. If you stop in front of me in this totally inapropriate place I will probably run my cart into you. And I won't apologize. In fact, I'm more likely to say something like, "Idiot, keep moving or get your ass out of the way."
  2. When you are at the meat counter, do not park your cart right in front of the glass case so no one else can check out what is inside. Things will go a lot faster for all of us if you park your cart back some and walk your lazy ass sans cart to the counter to place your order. Yes, that requires you CARRYING your order all the way back to your cart, but get over it.
  3. Keep to the right in the aisles. Isn't it obvious? Do you drive your car on the left side of the road? Or in the middle? Let's hope not. The same rule applies to your cart. Even if what you need is on the left side of the aisle, stop your cart and cross over that great big space called an aisle to get your item(s). Again, I realize this requires the extra step of carrying your item all the way back to your cart, but get over it. You could probably use the exercise.
  4. Don't pull your cart into the busiest aisle in the store and decide this is the place to sort your coupons. Come on people, organize! And if you can't organize, get the fuck out of the way for the rest of us who ARE organized or are NOT using coupons.
  5. If you know nothing about technology, computers or electronic scanning, do not, absolutely DO NOT pull your cart into the self-checkout lane with more than one or two items and 20 people in line and take this as your opportunity to train yourself on the ways of the 21st century. Wait until you have one or two items and your toddler with you so he or she can provide you with the proper training.

Thank you in advance for your cooperation!


  1. YES! I agree totally! And yes, I guess you could say I'm on a bender.

  2. This!!
    I was at Target tonight and oh man, people bug me, specially when I just want to get my stuff and go home.

  3. i agree with all of them, but #2 is a biggie for me. oh, and #5. please people...please!

  4. Another brilliant thought-provoking post from you! I had not given this much thought until now but you are damn right!!

    Watch out people for my next grocery trip - I'm gonna be shouting these rules out!!


    Happy Saturday!

  5. You're on the right track here, chica!

  6. I can't stand the people that park the cart with their kids standing up in it and just walk away.
    A few times I have reached out to catch a child teetering over and end up getting a rude look.
    Funny stuff about picking the wedgie!

  7. Great list. I think I might print it and glue it to all shopping carts! I always try to be mindful of other people.. drives me crazy too that other people don't seem to give a damn or think they are the only people in the store!

  8. This is great. I wonder if people realize they're being a-holes or are just oblivious that there are other people around.

  9. SERIOUSLY! I am the queen of self checkout (sadly I've had my share of cash registr training- so I consider myself a professional!) The people that don't get it drive me nuts!

  10. Amen! I am a coupon user, but my coupons are TOTALLY organized and ready to go before I leave my house. I hate it when people park their cart in a busy spot and ignore the fact that there are people in both directions that can't get around them!

  11. Seriously! I would LOVE to hear these over the loudspeaker at the store. Especially if they used the word "ass" and such. Quality announcement.

  12. These are good rules--nothing I hate more than the people who act like they have never been to WalMart before and have to spend a minute on each square foot of space.