Saturday, December 13, 2008

Martha Stewart? NOT.

On Friday, I baked and baked getting ready for our Holiday Party, which is tonight. We are expecting over 40 people. We are fully loaded on alcohol and the chocolate martinis are ready to go. I have confirmed what I have always known. I don't bake. At least not well. There was some stupid Arnold (as in Schwarzenneger) movie, Raw Deal, where he said in his stupid voice, something like "don't drink and bake." For me, it should just be "don't bake." The drinking part I don't have a problem with, though. I used to make a MEAN lemon meringue pie. My meringue would put your meringue to shame. I don't know what happened, but I totally lost the touch.

I decided to make Michelle's (An Apron Away From a Straitjacket) candied pecans. How can you go wrong with that? Some pecans, some brown sugar and butter and a crock pot. While at the store and running my menu through my head and checking my grocery list twice, I bought all the pecans I needed for her recipe and for some of the other recipes I was making that required pecans. Dumb shit. I bought all CHOPPED pecans. This may not sound like a big deal, but when you are buying pecans for a recipe where the pecan is the MAIN ingredient, you need WHOLE pecans. My friends will be nibbling on what I am going to call Pecan Crunch. It's more like granola.

I managed to make cookies, you know the kind, where the dough comes from a bowl, that are hard as rocks. Normally, this wouldn't bother me, but there won't be any kids around for this party to munch on the crappy cookies. And the brownies? I'm blaming that one on the mix, though my husband didn't think they were bad.

I do have to say, my Pecan-Pear Sour Cream Cake is to die for, at least by appearances. I will be sure to let y'all know how it tastes. This is the first time I have made it, though I have had it before when a friend made it. She's a better baker than I am. The Creamy Lemon Supreme will make your lips pucker and beg for more. I have made this many times and I am practically an expert. And it looks so pretty! The Chocolate Lover's Favorite Cake is also a beauty. I'm not a chocolate fan, but the last time I made this the chocolate lovers were truly in love. And the Jewish Jelly Rolls? Well, if there are any left before the party starts, I don't think they will last long.

The one recipe that is pretty impossible to screw up is the Oreo Ice Cream Pie. Yeah, if you can mix a few items together and put them in the freezer, you've got this one totally nailed.

And this morning? CJ threw up. Me? My stomach is not quite feeling right, either. Maybe it's because I watched and heard him vomit. Maybe I am aniticipating a nasty hangover. Either way, I sure as hell hope I didn't catch anything!


  1. Sounds like some good stuff to me! I am sure all of your goodies will be a hit!

    My mom makes a Sour Cream Apple Pie mmmmmmmm

    As for the stomach thing... it's going around.. I have had it for a few days.. not spewing ..just feel BLAH!

    I hope you all feel better soon. HAve fun tonight

  2. 1.) good to hear you r guest list is a manageable 40ish!
    2.)the pecan granola would make a nice topping over a simple sponge cake or something- it sounds really good, but maybe a little confusing to eat.
    3.)Sorry to hear about Cecil- that bites! I have had a quesy stomach lately, too- why do I keep eating cookies?
    4.) can't wait to hear (and see) detials of the shin dig!

  3. Ooooh, this sounds like so much fun, and I'm sure all work work out the way it should. I love the pecan granola! V. creative.

  4. {lease post pictures and recipes. I can't believe you baked so much! And getting pecan pieces - that is something I would so do. Let us know how it went.

  5. That is too funny. I called my post tonight on my cooking blog, Proof That I'm Not Martha. You cracked me up! Good luck with the cake :)

  6. It all sounds pretty good except for that vomiting ending. Now it's Sunday morning and your party should be over by now - or maybe not?

    Can't wait to hear all the baking reviews!

  7. I can't bake either, but I have lots of other talents that my husband loves....:)
    I'm sure it's the same for you too!

  8. I think everything sounds yummy! I'm craving sweets now - gotta go see what's in the cupboard.

  9. Funny! Baking is my strong point. It's the only thing I really love to cook. Problem is, I also love to eat, so I don't bake.

  10. The secret is to hide all the food until everyone is 3 sheets to the wind and has forgotten how to spell their names. After that, everything tastes incredible! hee hee.

  11. Really, Kim, your 1st mistake was to follow Arnold's advice. You should ALWAYS drink when baking or doing any type of cooking. Have you ever seen Julia Childs without a glass of something?