Monday, November 24, 2008

Mommy Wars

Welcome to my two newest followers, Sass at the life of sass and Mrs. 4444 at Half Past Kissin' Time. Drop by and check them out.

What's up with the Mommy Wars? I am not really talking about the classic stay at home mom vs. the working mom Mommy Wars. I am talking about moms who are so caught up in their own little crowd that they can't possibly allow other moms into their circle of friends. Hello? Junior high was over 25 years ago, at least for me. But apparently, many moms have not outgrown their adolescent behavior. I hear other moms talk about this and I have experienced it myself.

In my case, when we moved to the Kansas City area from Ohio in 2004, it was very difficult to "break into" the already formed circles of moms that had boys in the 2nd grade, which is the grade Big E was in our first year there. By the time we left, when at the end of his 4th grade year, I had broken through their barrier and was at least, on the surface, accepted. Thank goodness I had friends from a moms group that I joined. They are lifelong friends and I did not have any problems being accepted by them!

When we moved back to Ohio in 2007, I had to start over. Though we have tons of friends in the area since I, in total, have lived here 19 years, and my husband about five years longer, they are all spread out and it can be hard to get together. When we moved to this neighborhood, I was excited when the family across the street had two boys, their oldest a year older than my oldest and their youngest a year younger than my middle son. Oh, but wait. Their mother apparently had no room for another friend. And dammit, I am a good friend and fun to be with. That first summer, I would see her at our subdivision pool and she would greet me but never offered me a seat with her and her friends or even introduce me to them. WTF. Was she so insecure that her friends might actually like me that she couldn't take the risk? Thankfully I am a pretty tough cookie, but it still makes me wonder ... why do women do this? (As it turns out, my husband and I have made really good friends with some of our OTHER neighbors. And I am glad the other woman shunned me because we have determined she and her husband are just plain weird.)

I have heard of other women experiencing playground snobbery and it seems like such a waste of time and a potential loss of meeting a really cool person to hang out with. And if you strike up a chat with someone and determine "she is not the one for you" then no big deal. What have you lost, really?

It's just not that hard to be welcoming, polite and friendly. And in the process possibly make another friend or two. I just don't get it.


  1. I just don't get it, either. I'm a pretty darn nice person! I see this a lot in our school district. Some of the moms really do seem to travel in a pack and if you're not in from the conception of that pack, you never ar. When I finally realized that, I quit trying so hard, and really relished the friendships I was able to make with others.

  2. Women can be so friggin' weird which is why I have always felt more comfortable around the dudes....I still feel out of place in the mommy crowd. It's strange. Maybe it's because I like watching football and most women I know, don't. Hmmmm....

  3. Isn't that so weird that some women can be like that? I'm a quiet person, and keep to myself usually, but I love to hang out with friends. I am a very nice person, at least I think I am. So I probably would feel pretty offended if that happened to me. I hope I never do that to anyone, intentionally or not.

  4. Adult cliques are ridiculous. How could anyone have too many friends, anyway? It sounds like you and your husband made out better with the friendlier crowd. Good for you for not taking it personally. hey, thanks for the linky love! You're a sweetheart :)

    P.S. Can I just chuckle with you over the fact that I was just looking at your links over on the left there and thought I read, "Life of ASS!" TOO FUNNY!

  5. Hi again, hey after a long day, I finally posted some stuff and I gave you an award. I know, you're totally blown away and freakin' out. Me too. Go check it out. If you want.


  6. I have experienced that too! It's as if they are afraid you will steal their friends out from under them! Isn't there enough friendship to go around?

  7. Sounds like my expat Paris world Kim!