Thursday, November 20, 2008

A little wheezing with your hike?

My friend and neighbor spent the last couple of weeks vacationing in Italy with a gal pal. She sent a few e-mails to myself and another neighbor friend, which started out perky and excited and then took a turn. With her permission, her e-mails are my guest entry today.

Hello Friends,

Jo and Motorcycle Guy. I hope you had a nice time in Chicago. My guess is that it was cold there but sometimes it is just nice to get away. Pam, I trust that Mike and Duane were able to get away to the frozen Northeast. I know that you told me there wasn't a strong cell phone signal so I don't plan to hear from Duane once I am home on Wednesday and he is still gone.

Italy has been a great trip so far. We went to a cooking school and to a vineyard and we have been hiking. We went shopping in MIlan, of course. I held myself back from buying things. Everything was beautiful. I did purchase a new pair of black leather boots because I needed them. I also purchased roller blades. I know that must seem odd but I can't find them in the States as I once did. I love going blading on the Bike Trail.

Well I must run. Bye for now. I have been taking photographs like crazy. The area is beautiful.

I responded with a nice little e-mail to let her know I was happy she was having a good time and enjoying it all. Notice how chipper she sounds about it all in this first e-mail. Read on my friends.

Hi There,

Well you need to yell at Pam because she has not been as kind as you. You took the time to send me an e-mail and she has rebuffed me! I just might not show her my 300 vacation photos! So there.

Today we went to Switzerland. We hiked and I wheezed the whole way. The air was thin and my muffin-top was getting in the way of breathing effectively. I tell you the Swiss grampas and grannies were passing me up like I was standing still! They were so proud of themselves and I know they were saying "You fat Americans are getting what you deserve!" After my hike I rewarded myself with hot chocolate and a sweet dessert at the oldest bake shop in St. Moritz. The prices were insane....I mean my bill was about $25.

My knee is killing as a result of the alpine trek but believe you me I have some great snapshots of the area and I know I will be the most popular woman in town because of them.

While I have been here I have been trying to find some great photos of the drainage system since it is still effectively running and this town has been operating since Julius Ceasar!

Gotta Go
P.S. Thanks for getting my mail

The drainage system issue is an ongoing problem in our neighborhood due to some faulty installation when our subdivision was built a few years ago. There really isn't enough space on the internet to go into all the details, but suffice it to say it's the "government against the little people." You know who wins in those cases.

Read on for the final e-mail. Just when I was hoping things would turn around and after the last hiking trip that more shopping and less hiking would take place, I get this e-mail.

Hi again,

I can't believe that my trip has now come to an end. Today Amy took me to Bellabio and we hiked up a mountain. I took photos but they don't do it justice. Amy is the most "fit" person I know and I was "sucking wind" the whole way. The tour book told her that the "hike' was easy and I said "Bu** Sh**" to that after the first 90 minutes! I walk in the park about 4 miles every day. This hike was over rock beds and some parts of the path were so narrow that you had to walk heal to toe not to fall off the cliff. In some parts of the hike the ground was covered in damp leaves that made it slick and I thought I would land on my ass for sure. There was a point that I ran out of water and my tongue was glued to the roof of my mouth. This was not vacation but more like boot camp. I was thankful that Amy was sympathetic to my plight. Along the hike there were religious shrines. I now know why they were there. People like me ended up praying to Jesus or Mary that they would get them the hell out of there in one piece!

I am feeling very old right now. I feel badly that I couldn't finish the hike. At the end of the trail there was a REFUGGIO (a bar) and I was looking forward to basking in the glory with the other hikers over a Lemonchello. I purchased a 2 liter bottle of water at "base camp" and the old man was laughing inside that the FAT AMERICAN was back so soon. He had white hair, arthritis & no teeth but the old bastard could climb the mountain before sundown. Go Figure!

Ah I just want ot go to bed!

Lorraine is home now and she assured me she had a blast. Maybe boot camp isn't as bad as it seems? She is convinced her gal pal will never ask her to go on vacation again (unless it's an all shopping trip, of course!) and that she will instead, invite someone who can keep up with her on hiking excursions instead of wheezing and sucking wind most of the way.

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