Friday, October 5, 2007

Red and swollen

I am sure anyone and everyone who has seen me over the last three days probably thinks I'm high, hungover or participating in a sleep deprivation program. I honestly cannot remember when I have cried as much as I have these last three days - mainly the last two. Wednesday I spent most of the day walking around in shock after the initial onset of tears. Thursday and Friday, though, it all started sinking in, which made me think about my friends and that it was probably all sinking in for them and that made me cry even more. I have been speaking with them on a regular basis, mainly with my friend's husband, but today I spoke directly with my friend. I use the word "spoke" very loosely as most of the conversation was us on the phone crying. It's very difficult to not be able to take away, or even alleviate, someone's pain and anguish.

Tomorrow we are attending the visitation. On Sunday, the families will be going to CT for a funeral service and burial on Monday/Tuesday as that is where they are from and where the majority of their family is now.

Besides crying, I am now starting to do what I do best in a crisis and I don't know how to help - I cook. Come Thursday, after they return from CT, they will have some good food in their freezer so at least they won't have to worry about what they are going to eat. I'm in for the long hull and as my friend's husband said, "We have a lot of help right now. We are going to need you in the coming weeks and months when the initial influx of help is gone. Things are going to be very different around here." and then he started to cry. He did not cry alone.

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